Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
