dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
