Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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