Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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