yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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