I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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