just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
