positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
