im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize