so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
