yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
