I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just googled if crying burns calories
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
