every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
