oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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