The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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