I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
handjob tips. give me some.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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