last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
