he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
