Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
