I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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