On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
