I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
