I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
