I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
