I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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