I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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