I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
