i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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