he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
