he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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