we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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