he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
