it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
