this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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