Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
