god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
