we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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