Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
