I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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