Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
