can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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