My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
