Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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