Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
