just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
