just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
