oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
