Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
