Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
