You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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