there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
