So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
