I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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