just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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