God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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