he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
