i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
be right there i have to get my cape
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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