I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
