If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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