He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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