how can u be prego again
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
