Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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