yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
