I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
