Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
