Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize